Hindsight is 2019: My Word to Live By in 2020

     When I was sixteen years old, a boy I liked asked me to go for a walk around the neighborhood one evening. I told him, "No," making the excuse that it was a school night and that I had too much homework to do. I know what you're thinking: Why would I decline a "date"--albeit a walk--with a boy I liked? Forty-four-year-old me still wonders the same thing. But at the time, I was scared of the unknown. I was shy and didn't possibly think anything could ever result from a walk around the block. I didn't know what I would talk about and my insecurities raged, as I feared I would end that walk with that boy not liking me. I was right; shortly after I declined that walk, he lost interest in me. While I love the life I currently am living, I sometimes think about what would have happened had I embraced my fears and went on that walk. Yet, hindsight is often 20/20.
 
     There are so many moments in my life that I wish I had embraced differently. More recently this summer, I wrote a letter to several publishers of educational books for an idea of a book I want to write. I've had this idea mapped out in my head for years and finally mustered up enough courage to explain it to various publishers. The thing is, I never mailed the letters. They still rest on my desk at home, fearing rejection, obsessing over the idea that no one could possibly want to read a book written by me. After all, I'm just a public school teacher; what kind of impact could my words have?

     I've been thinking a lot about how so many people--myself especially--fail to embrace situations that cause uncertainty. We neglect to embrace the imperfections, the new ideas, the acts of kindness. Maybe it's due to insecurities or the fact that there's not enough time in the day or even that we think it won't make an impact.  Yet, I'm not so sure why or what we are afraid of in not embracing moments in our lives. Each year, I choose a word as a goal for the new year. It's a word that anchors me through all aspects of life for that year.  This year, I can't stop thinking about the word embrace. It's a simple word, really, that comes with a physical connection at times as well as a positive mental attitude at others.When I went to college at the University of Richmond, I was forced to embrace the idea of fried okra, barbeque, and southern accents along with meeting new people (which was not a small feat for a shy introvert like myself). As a teacher, I've learned that more often than not, my students need an embrace to help them with what they are going through and that sometimes a high five or fist bump or a kind word is just not enough. I even possess a t-shirt thanks to UVA basketball that reads "Embrace the Pace," and love the hugs that I seem to receive every time I'm wearing it.

     Yes, I've thought a lot about this word embrace and feel like it's not only what the world needs more of but what I need more of. What if everyone embraced their present situation--no matter how dismal or dark? What if people embraced one another instead of fighting? What if we embraced a new way to do something--a new idea? What change could we make?

    I've been thinking a lot about this word embrace in my own classroom. In IB English, we began conversations on racism and how it exists in today's world. I know the conversations were not easy and caused some dissension in my classroom. Yet I also know if we don't talk about the problems of our world, how can we change them? If we don't embrace the ideas of others, how can we come to a common understanding? Talking about racism and how it exists in the twenty-first century is one of the bravest and most courageous decisions I have made in my teaching. I'm not talking about discussing the Civil Rights Movement or how racism exists in books like To Kill a Mockingbird. I'm talking about racism that sadly exists in the walls of today's society--in the cafeteria, in the locker room, in the hallways. It's a hard conversation, but it's one I will continue to embrace because it's that important. Thank you, juniors, for the powerful PSAs that resulted from our conversations on racism. Let's continue to embrace the idea of talking deeply and intimately about global issues of significance.

         I've also had the opportunity over twenty-one years in the classroom to recognize that classroom teaching goes far beyond what's in a textbook. A few years ago, I noticed the need for more kindness in my classroom and decided to stop teaching for the day to address the problem. As a teacher, it was one of the most unconventional classroom decisions I've made. I know that it might not seem like much, but taking time to do that one simple kindness activity changed the way I understand my role as an educator. This past month, I watched as my Theory of Knowledge students raised money, shopped for, wrapped, and delivered 66 presents for the students at Henry Clay Elementary School in the Head Start Pre-K program. It was a powerful testament of kindness, and I'm grateful for every one of my students who embraced the opportunity--who maybe were not around children much and suddenly had a young child in their lap--who maybe never knew how to wrap a present (there was even a few of you who you tubed that!)--who realized the power and the impact they could make.

     In all of my classes, I've also had the opportunity to watch you compliment each other in our first ever compliment tournament. In many classes, I witnessed surprise victories and the power a kind word can have. I know it took courage to say those words publicly, and I also want you to know how much I appreciate you embracing the idea.

     And so, this month, I encourage you to think about the word embrace. Maybe it's to embrace going to a college that you didn't think you'd attend. Maybe it's to embrace your friends and everything Atlee has to offer in your final semester at Atlee as seniors instead of wishing the time away. Maybe it's to continue to make strides at breaking down barriers as we continue to listen to one another in classroom discussions.

     For me, here's what the word embrace means in the new year. I will embrace new ideas and situations I'm not sure of. That means trying something new in my classroom because I know it will benefit you. It means reaching out to that person I know needs my help even though I'm unsure of his/her reaction. It means continuing to practice true acts of kindness.  It means to really send those letters to those publishers. My goal as I enter 2020 is to embrace who I am and all of my imperfections. My goal is to embrace situations I would typically shy away from, to make no apologies. My goal is to make an impact--today--so that hindsight is no longer 20/20 but something of 2019.

   It takes light 4 years to reach the Earth from Sirius, a neighboring star. I'm not sure what made me research that fact this month, but it's fascinating that the light we see takes so long to make an impact on us. It made me think of all of the missed opportunities in life that sometimes force us to not make an impact or that take longer than they should for us to see. What if we chose not to embrace situations for long amounts of time because we were afraid or lazy or unsure? What if we were so focused on our insecurities or complaints that we take too long to make an impact--to be the neighboring star that sheds a light on Earth? My goal at the start of 2020 is not to decline the walk but to be the light, to make the impact, to embrace the journey.

Life Doesn't Come With A Warning Label

     You might find this hard to believe, but the very first warning label on a product did not surface until 1938 when Congress passed a law mandating that food products have a list of ingredients on the label. Since then, warning labels have been put on substances like tobacco, music, movies, alcohol, toys, appliances, etc. It's funny to me that over the past eighty years, so many of the things in our lives exist with risks and restrictions, yet life as we know it comes without a warning label.  

     I had no idea, for example, that when I was little and talked back to my mom, the soap she put in my mouth would taste so bad.
     I had no warning that when I moved to a new neighborhood at age 13, I would struggle to fit in.
     I didn't know that the low test grade I received back in tenth-grade geometry would never matter when I was 24 or 34 or 44.
     I had no clue that college would be as life-changing as it was and how much I needed to be on my own to finish growing up.
     I didn't realize how difficult my first year of teaching would be and how after 21 years, it's still hard.

Life as we know it comes without a warning label.

     I never knew that when I got myself into a serious car accident at age 23, I would have to learn to walk again and that one singular moment would change my life perspective.
     I had no idea that my husband was flirting with me when we first met. Considering we met coaching high school debate, that one is understandable.
     Even though many did warn me that I'd hit a metaphorical wall when I was running my first marathon, I had no idea that mile 18 would give me that much trouble.
     I had no idea that being a parent was as challenging as it is and that all three of my kids would be completely different human beings even if I raised them the same way.

Life as we know it comes without a warning label.

     I had no idea that when my son was four years old, he would open all of his presents on Christmas morning (along with his sisters' presents) before the family got up. Had I known I would be rewrapping those presents that year, I would have invested in more wrapping paper or maybe left them unwrapped under the tree in the first place.
     I had no idea that my 20/20 vision would start to deteriorate when I got into my forties.
     Twenty years ago, no one told me that we would one day live in a world where we are plagued by technology, school shootings, and cyberbullying.

Life as we know it comes without a warning label.

     I had no idea that my students would truly change as writers over three months' time. This is the first year I am teaching Dual Enrollment. We have written A LOT. Yet, when I look at the progress you have made--when I look at your creativity in your most recent assignment of written and video reviews--I am encouraged that the goals I set for you can be achieved.

 I witnessed that same creativity when my IB English students made whiteboard videos of the iconic John Lennon song "Imagine." I had no idea that what resulted would be so incredibly powerful. I had no idea what you were truly capable of doing.

Life as we know it comes without a warning label.

     I wish I knew that it would be my students who saved the day when the internet went out a few weeks ago. That day my TOK math lesson was totally driven by my Google slides presentation on the internet and was way over my head if I was to try to replicate it.  So, I did what any teacher would have done. I listened to my students who suggested we do a compliment battle. What this consisted of was two students facing each other, saying nice things about each other in the form of a compliment. Even my class who likes to joke around from time to time got serious in doing this. We did get that math lesson in another day, but I wish I knew that sometimes the best lessons don't need the internet or innovative technology or even have to be academic. I wish I knew that my students are far more compassionate than I give them credit for.

Life as we know it comes without a warning label.

     Somehow we're not covered under any kind of warranty. There's no warning sign that says what's going to happen if we make the choices we do. I wish I could pass down all of the useful things I've learned in my forty-plus years of existence--like how struggle can be good and complaining never gets you anywhere. How important it is to keep a journal, exercise, and surround yourself with good people. How kindness often trumps intelligence in this world and that money can get you places but not everywhere. How your class rank isn't going to matter when you're older nor is the kind of jeans you wear or the type of car you drive. That selfies, Taco Bell, having a tan, and Starbucks are overrated and so are greed, hatred, and selfishness.

Yes, life as we know it comes without a warning label.

     Yet, perhaps that's part of the entire journey. If we knew how every minute detail would pan out, would we ever learn anything? Would we ever grow?

     While our lives come without warning labels, for what it's worth, allow me to give you fair warning: Life is hard--sometimes so hard that we have to put on the hard hat and face the unknown, the challenging, the complicated. Sometimes we just need to laugh. Sometimes we need to shake our heads and move on. Sometimes we are given the opportunity to celebrate.  So when life at times seems unbearable, messy, ridiculous, awesome, inspiring, or unbelievable...

Let it.