It wasn't until I received a text from a student I taught several years ago that I figured out my response. He had been asking me how I was, and I told him for the first time in a long time, I have a lot of free time on my hands and how weird it was. I didn't know what to do with the hours of my day. His response caught me off guard:
"Try to use your free time for good."
He may not have realized this, but that text changed my summer. Things in my life often come full circle, and this was yet another one of those moments. I was receiving unsolicited advice from one of my former students--someone who years ago sat in my classroom where I gave him advice. And while I was not asking for advice at the time we were texting, he must have known I needed some. Somehow, I now had an answer to "What are you doing this summer?"
While most people did a lot of reading and cooking and bread baking and Netflix binge watching during the beginning months of COVID-19, I worked harder than I usually do. I was worried about losing connections that I had worked so hard all year to build with my students, so I worked to hold onto those. I was nervous about my students not being ready for their IB assessments, so I worked hard to make them feel prepared. I was concerned that my dual enrollment seniors would be robbed of their college level writing instruction, so I made videos so that they understood the content and expectations. I learned how to teach and exist in a virtual world--from conducting IB assessments to having a virtual graduation party for my seniors. I worked tirelessly to lift others up and remain positive. I helped plan a graduation that was anything but traditional. So now that school is out, I look around and I have nothing on my agenda. The days seem so long. For the first time in my life, I have time, and I'm just not sure what to do with it. It's a change that has challenged me more than I thought it would.
Yet, when I think about it, change has always been a common denominator in my life. I came into teaching on the cusp of change. SOL tests were in their inaugural phase during my first year in the classroom. Most teaching was done with students sitting in rows. Grammar was taught out of a textbook with boring sentences and repetitive exercises. During my second year of teaching, my principal asked me to attend a conference with him on collaborative learning. That conference revolutionized my classroom; I started to have students work in groups--a practice that most teachers did not embrace at the time. Students sat at tables, actually looking at and talking to each other. I brought in song lyrics to teach grammar (much to the chagrin of some of my colleagues who thought I should be teaching traditionally out of the grammar textbook). As a teacher, I guess I've always learned the importance of adapting to change.
I remember stepping onto the track for practice one afternoon when my athletes told me about what happened at Columbine High School. Those were the days long before social media, but one of the seniors had gone home before practice and found out about the school shooting. That day changed teaching in schools forever. So began the days of intruder drills and me pondering what I would do if a shooter tragically entered my classroom. Things I had never thought of as a teacher before all of the sudden were paramount. As a teacher, I had to learn adapt to change.
I've watched the state of education change drastically over the past twenty-two years in the classroom. I've seen technology become a large part of education, as even the various platforms that I've had to use (Blackboard, Google Classroom, Schoology) have changed over the years. I've seen phones take over the classroom and have observed how social media has transformed the way students interact with each other. I've witnessed the change from not having every piece of information at my fingertips to a classroom where I'm not the key source of information in the room. I actually remember a world of teaching when "google" was not a verb, when "Google" didn't exist at all. So, I keep reminding myself that as a teacher, I've had to learn to adapt to change.
Recently, I feel like my social media feeds are inundated with two things--racial injustice in our country and why we should or should not return to school. Everyone seems to have an opinion. Sometimes the two subjects collide with each other, competing for my attention. Sometimes posts that are seemingly kind or about something entirely unrelated are suddenly hijacked to discuss someone's personal agenda whether that be about tearing down monuments or wearing a mask or heading back to school. And I guess I want to respond with this: Somehow in looking at everyone else's agendas, I found my own--to adapt to the changes our world is requiring of us by using my free time for good.
So what will I do with my free time this summer?
1. Embrace differences. I can't control what this pandemic has in store for us. I think the hardest thing through all of this is that we have no control. There are many moments--especially recently--where I have felt lost and purposeless. I'm not sure what school will look like next year. Whether we are face to face or virtual, there is one thing I am sure of: I still will continue to work hard. I still will continue to make connections with my students. I still will learn to adapt to change. So, for now, I will start to think about some of the choices I will make in teaching my class under different circumstances. I have a pile of books to read because I know since our learning will probably be different, I need to choose just the right texts. So, I will use my free time to figure this out instead of worrying about the change to come or stress about the unknown.
2. Continue conversations. I recognize as a white American, I still have a lot of learning to do when it comes to understanding racial issues. So, I will continue to educate myself. This week, I hosted my first antiracist book club which brought together many people from many different walks of my life as well as people I had never met before. The conversation was enriching and powerful. We need more of that. My free time will be spent having these important conversations in future book clubs as a means to do good.
3. Minimize how things impact me. It's so easy in life to sit and complain or criticize. It's so easy to think about how you personally are affected by what's going on in the world. My goal this month is to not be so insular in thinking about how this affects me; maybe step into others' shoes or see the positive in the world around me. The world is not easy right now. I want to hug others. I want our racial divide to dissipate. I want to see my parents. I want to go into a public place and not have to wear my mask. It's so easy to think about how life's current situation only benefits me, but I need to think beyond that. Until then, I will adapt; I will wear the mask; I will forego the hugs; I will call my parents; I will listen to others.
So while it might seem as if nothing is on my agenda because my online calendar app has not really been used much recently to schedule swim meets and vacations and lunches and professional development workshops, know I am doing a lot of work this summer. I am thinking about my relationships with others. I am pondering how we can exist in a world with less criticism and more compliments. I am figuring out how I can be the best teacher I possibly can for my future students who also are being forced to adapt to change. Know I'm figuring out how to continue to grow as the world changes, learning to teach in whatever way is necessary next school year. Those things might not be able to be scheduled on a calendar, but at least I now know what I'm doing this summer when asked the question. The answer is more clear than it ever has been: I'm using my free time for good.
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