Those seven words hovered in the air over my head in a lingering cloud of smoke.
"Excuse me?" I said.
"You really don't know how to write," my professor stated, this time, emphasizing the word really more than necessary. He was emotionless and cold.
The words stung like the vile hydrogen peroxide my mom used to pour over my scrapes as a kid. I remember telling that professor that I wanted to be a teacher--an English teacher--a writing teacher. His eyes widened, and he grabbed a book off of his bookshelf--Strunk and White's Elements of Style. I politely accepted it and backed out of his small, pipe tobacco-smelling office, vowing never to return to office hours again. His words hurt and my dream of being a writing teacher was somehow decimated within a matter of minutes--within a matter of words.
Somewhere between that moment and my sophomore year, I had another professor who validated my writing. Instead of handing me a text to read, he helped me; he taught me how to write. I am grateful for the lessons of Dr. Essid; I always will be. He is the reason I am passionately teaching writing today, and he is the reason why I am writing myself. In both instances, I realized the power our words have on our mental states, on our levels of confidence, on our relationships. I never did set foot in that freshman English professor's office again. There was a break in our communication because of how his words destroyed me. Seven simple words forced me to lose complete confidence the rest of that semester. I considered abandoning a teaching career. Seven simple words led me to believe that maybe my dream of being an English teacher was completely farfetched. Seven simple words lowered my self-esteem to a point where I didn't think I could ever recover.
Words have this power that exudes from their every letter. I once had someone tell me that reading a racial slur in a book was just "words." It didn't mean a thing. I just can't see it this way. Words can hurt no matter if they are written or spoken. They exist and bear meaning from the moment they are strung together, constructed, or mouthed out loud. They can be twisted and manipulated. We let them spill out of us. Sometimes we regret them and want to eat our words. But most importantly, words can validate a person or situation. I never understand when someone says, "I have no words" or "there are no words" or "words cannot express..." In my world, there are always words.
Honestly, I've always loved them. I love how you can join words that you never imagined together. For example, Zora Neale Hurston's sentence in Their Eyes Were Watching God "Something fell off the shelf inside of her" is pure poetry. As is the Beatles' lyric "There's no where you can be that isn't where you're meant to be." And I still say I'm having "a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day" when that does happen simply because those words have stuck with me since I read that childhood book.
I love the power words can have. We can say just the right thing at the right moment. Words can make us laugh and words can bring us to tears. I love the irony words can employ; I adore puns, especially "pace" puns, and how some words simultaneously can have two totally different meanings. I know I experienced that with the Class of 2017 this past year with one particular word. I will always use the word dank to describe my basement growing up, never a meme. (Incidentally, I found out this week that VA Tech actually has a Dank Memes Club. I now have heard everything!) Words have helped me at times when I had nothing else to turn to. I have every letter, every card, every email my students have ever written me reaffirming my teaching. They're tucked away in a bag; there's no order to them, but every now and then, I take one out and read it and the power of those words comes rushing over me, flooding my memories and emotions.One of my favorite writers and poets, Maya Angelou, said that words "get on the walls, they get in your wallpaper, they get in your rugs and your upholstery and your clothes. And, finally, into you." There is no denying our words are powerful and impact us as humans.
When I was in high school, I constantly kept a box of notecards. I would write notes to friends, to teachers, even to my parents. I have always believed I could change attitudes with words. I could make others feel validated. We all need validation in our lives. We all need that one person who believes in us, who tells us that we matter. I've made it my life's mission to use my words in that way. So, if you have ever received an email from me where I tell you how I feel, if you have ever received a note or a text or even a message on Remind where I'm checking on you or complimenting you, it's because I believe in the power of words and more importantly, I believe that you matter. I write notes constantly. I'm sincere in my words. Recently, I wrote close to a dozen letters to my friend's daughter going off to college for the first time. I sealed them in a box, labeling each one. There are letters for her to open when she's having a bad day, when she feels homesick, when she is at the top of her game. I haven't given it to her yet, but my hope is the words empower her and validate her.
Unfortunately, this week that power of words somehow wilted. In a weak moment, my kids got me to agree to see The Emoji Movie. In a post I wrote earlier this year, "Texting, Colleges, and the Importance of Standing Out," I stated candidly about how I feel about emojis. Those feelings have not dissipated. So, I knew going into this movie that it would be painful. The movie began with the words, "The world is so fast paced sometimes, there's no time for words. That's where we come in--emojis." I almost cried in the theatre. What kind of world do we live in where there is no time for words? No time for words?
The first emoji was actually created when I was seven years old in 1982 by Scott Fahlman, a computer scientist at Carnegie Mellon University. He wanted to create something to mark the conversations these computer scientists were having with one another that were not so serious. He hit the colon, hyphen, and parenthesis to demonstrate the humor of the statements he was writing: :-). This was before the internet exploded into every corner of our homes, before texting, even before modern conveniences like the microwave and voice mail. His "emoji" had function, yet, as I receive texts and emails from others, I'm finding more and more of them rely soley on pictures instead of words, and they become, in turn, purposeless. Yesterday alone, I recevied texts in the form of two eye-rolling emojis, five thumbs up emojis, twelve smiley faces, and three heart emojis. No words were attached. It scares me to think that perhaps we will live in a world without words one day. That vision that the Beatles sang about in "Across the Universe" when they said, "Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup. They slither while they pass. They slip away across the universe" seems all too close to the reality of a world where words will slip away across the universe and escape us.
Words should dictate our lives. I can remember the very first words my kids ever said. I countlessly said, "Use your words," when they were little and were crying instead of trying to tell me how they felt. I have a journal just for beautiful sentences I have read where the words are selected and strung together so pefectly. I've always been one who hated charades; I just want to express it in words. This week, I found myself playing walkie talkie tag with my kids. It requires careful communication of words. My kids initially struggled in giving clues as to where they were hiding, leading me on somewhat of a wild goose chase. I blame the society in which we live for that. We're being taught to not communicate as often and effectively or maybe it's just that we've learned how to communicate too efficiently. I'm afraid we are not using our words anymore.
So often we walk past one another without even saying hello. I see it happen more often than not. I say hello to someone who is texting or scrolling through Facebook or Twitter on his phone and my words don't even register. I don't want you to think this is a blog that is anti-technology. That is far from the truth. Yet, I don't think we use our technology for good as much as we can. The words we post on social media could truly make a difference. Instead, quite often they create tension. It becomes about how many likes we have or friends we can post to our profiles and who follows us and what we've had for dinner. Words are our legacy; they are how we will be remembered. Ultimately, words can change us. They can make us long for the idea of being a better person. They can make us sit straight up in bed and tear at our hearts, leaving us with raw emotions of vulnerability, but they also can raise us up and make us believe in ourselves in a way that no emoji, no photograph, nothing else on Earth really can.
One evening this week, my daughter asked if we could go for a bike ride in the neighborhood. I faithfully run each morning somewhere between 6 and7:30 a.m. There are people outside, but that night, espeically, there were so many people walking their dogs, running, riding bikes. It was like a whole new world to me. Katie and I rode leisurely, talking the entire time. We took a few loops around the neighborhood, and as we passed a couple, the woman stopped me and said, "Good for you. It's so nice to see you both talking non-stop. You've passed us twice already and haven't stopped talking." I felt strange to get a pat on the back for talking to my daughter. Yet, to some, words are at a high commodity, as so many of us are busy and overscheduled we don't make time for them.
My goal in life is to keep using my words. I will keep writing, keep teaching you--my students--how much words matter. I will validate others with their ultimate superpowers. I will continue to text with the inate cleverness of words as opposed to relying on the often powerless emoji. For those of you who don't believe in the power of words, for those of you who have never tried to validate others by what you say or write, for those of you who never notice the beauty of sentences linked together, for those of you who resort to texting with just emojis void of any words, for my professor who told me I didn't know how to write, I shake my head and still don't understand. I...well...I simply have no words. :-)
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